The last place you’d look for George Clooney

Clooney. Friggin’ Clooney.

Every day it’s the same thing: Eats breakfast at the Denny’s on Hampton (Grand Slam, over easy), hogs the sports section, drives too fast down to the office, hangs around all day, kibbitzing while we’re working.

“Gonna write about Darfur today? Huh? Huh? Huh?”

No, George. Not today.

“Tomorrow maybe?”

Yeah, maybe tomorrow.

Clooney drinks a LOT of coffee. Never makes a pot, just drinks it. Wanders around, steals the Mountain Dew out of the fridge. The man’s caffeine level must be stratospheric. He grabs the letters to the editor, does mock dramatic readings, imitates all the voices. Finally someone will ask him, aren’t you supposed to be making a movie?

“Lotta down time,” he says. “My old man was in TV news. I love hanging around the editorial pages. You’re not liberal enough, but you’re OK. Anything I can do to help?”

We send him to the Grille to pick up lunch. He usually gets the orders mixed up, but hey, it gets him out of the office. Women stop him on the street, but he tells them he’s got to get “back to the set.” Then he sneaks in here and hides all afternoon, bouncing off the walls.

The paper is full of Clooney. The features editor is at DefCon 1: Clooney look-alikes. Significant Clooney dates in history. Clooney sightings. Clooney stalkers. People are gah-gah. They think he’s downtown shooting a movie, “Up in the Air,” or maybe out at the airport.

The TV provides non-stop Clooney. It’s like St. Louis has never seen a celebrity before. We’re doing our whole civic Sally Field thing: “You like me! You really like me!”

We understand all this. We were pretty excited the first time Clooney showed up. But then he wouldn’t leave. He became a pest, looking over our shoulders as we write.

“Are you sure you want to say ‘torturous?’” he asks. “Isn’t the word ‘tortuous?’”

Friggin’ Clooney. He’s right.

We tell him, George, check out this blog on STLToday.com, people writing in with tips about what you should do in St. Louis. Go, check ‘em out. Eat at Imo’s. Go over to Fast Eddie’s, have the Big Elwood on a Stick. Go bowling. Lots of good tips. Lots of women want to meet you.

Frankly, we’re getting pretty tired of Clooney. Nice guy and everything, but believe it or not, he needs a life. We’ll be glad when April comes and he’s done shooting. Maybe he’ll go back to Hollywood or New York or Lake Como, bother Brad Pitt and Matt Damon. Leave us alone.

But right now he’s in our face. He’s eating toasted ravioli. He wants to go to Crown Candy for a banana malt. He wants more coffee. He wants us to write 800 thunderous words about International Criminal Court issuing an arrest warrant for Omar Hassan Ahmad al-Bashir, the president of Sudan.

George, we say, why are you hanging out here? Really.

He smiles that friggin’ Clooney smile. “It’s the last place anyone would think to look for someone cool.”

Souce

Related posts

• Movie Galleries and Misc Update (0)
• DVD Bonus: Before the Story (0)
• Win “Up in the Air” Prize Pack (0)
• Up in the Air Deleted Scenes #2 (0)
• “Up in the Air” DVD Feature (0)